Thursday, January 6, 2011

I Am Looked After

Over the last two years, as I have tried to scrape by after losing about 90% of my income, I have been blessed to be shown over and over that I am "looked after" (as my dear mother-in-law always says and fiercely believes about herself -- and she's right)! 

Yes, there are bills I haven't been able to pay.  Yes, I will be working for a long time to dig myself out.  But, in the thick of it all, when it really comes down to it, most of the time, something has come through at the last moment to make sure I have what I need (insert Rolling Stones background music here: "You can't always get what you want. You can't always get what you want.  But if you try sometimes, you might find, YOU GET WHAT YOU NE-E-EED!"). 

Somehow something always seems to fall out of the clear blue sky and land right in my lap.  I often picture my dearly departed mother and grandparents gathered above me on a cloud, preparing these care packages for me for just that moment when I most need them -- perhaps with little invisible parachutes to insure a gentle delivery!

Earlier this year, we didn't have gas service for about five months.  I know that sounds massively dire, but one of our two water heaters is electric and that water heater supplies the kitchen and one bathroom so we had hot water for dishes and bathing.  And we didn't need heat during those warm months so we didn't really suffer (except for not being able to use the whirlpool bathtub which, of course, is dire, massive suffering at its worst!).  We were able to get the gas turned back on just in the nick of time -- mere days before the weather turned cold enough to require heat.

Yesterday I had immediate shut-off notices on three utility bills.  I had already negotiated extensions and gone to through all the borrowed time.  Having these utilities shut off would have incurred additional expenses to get them turned back on plus additional fees and deposit on top of that -- thus compounding the problem.  The bills just simply HAD to be paid IMMEDIATELY!  But I had no money.

There was a $104 water bill, a $143 electric bill, and a $26 electric bill for the cabin totaling $273.  And there were four coins in my wallet (I had $35 in my bank account but it was food and gas money for the week and was, therefore, sacred and untouchable so that doesn't figure into the equation).

Almost magically, within 24 hours, I sold a TV cabinet to a friend whom I knew wanted it ($125), received a paycheck from my second job ($120), and was compensated for helping out another realtor while she was out of town ($25).  Total = $270!  Three dollars away from exactly what I needed!  Whew!  Bills paid! 

Last week I had $300.70 in my bank account. The emergency services at the vet that were necessary to save our dog's life and had to be paid up front were $300.20. I walked away with 50 cents and a live dog!
Squeaked by again!

It amazes me how often this happens.  Enough money comes in to just cover impending expenses -- like the cosmos knows and has it all arranged or something!  We just have to sit down here on earth and wait to see how it all unfolds! 

Though I don't enjoy having my bank account cleaned out completely, at least the dust, crumbs, and cobwebs get swept out regularly with the powerful vacuum that takes out all the money!  And I get the very touching privilege and honor of seeing that I am, indeed, somehow, in some complicated and mysterious way, "looked after" and that the Lord DOES provide -- though just not exactly on my terms, on my timetable, or in lottery-sized proportions (darn it)!  But I appreciate it massively anyway!


  1. That is beautiful. Although I have been hoping that you had just somehow found yourself in Idaho recently and become the 2nd Mega Millions winner!

  2. My brother used to say that I lived in my own private Idaho. But I don't think winning the lottery and owning all of Idaho was exactly what he meant. Though I wouldn't mind owning Idaho. I would invite you to live in my state!